Dear Life: A memoir to myself
As is standard with our relationship every situation that happens changes me and makes me think. It makes me see a 100 different possibilities and analyse how it affects me. I reflect on it and try and see where I have faulty programming so I can fix it. This last few months was no exception. Reflecting on why I am making the choices that I am and what will this one day be, I sit and wonder then stop myself. Is it serving me to try and figure out the future? Second thought comes into my mind – why am I constantly trying to figure this out? Even sitting writing this my mind goes in circles about numerous things especially what society will deem as acceptable and then again I have to tell myself – Stop! This is not about society, this is about me.
What do I see?
I saw something magical. I see a future possibility of what the world could look like. I see a future possibility of who I can become and I see a paradigm that exists between you and me. I have learnt more about myself in the last 12 months than the rest of my life combined. I knew about everything that I learnt but never had a powerful enough experience to really feel it.
“There is a difference between knowing and believing” It is only once you experience it that you can truly believe it.
Why do I put myself in situations that can break me? Why don’t I just accept life as it is and live a “normal” life? I knew from the start that this will be a tough journey if I chose the path less traveled and I had a choice which road I want to take. Even as I am writing this I still have a choice to go back to the crossroad and choose the path of the masses. There is no right or wrong but every choice has consequences and can you live with them? My answer was yes. I have a choice to the open road that is less traveled and not shielded making it open to the damage of the storm but at the same time completely open to feel the warmth of the sunrise. Why do I choose this dangerous path with no protection, no directions and no idea where it leads? The answer:
“What if” is the 2 words that dreams are made of. It is the two words that move us forward as humanity and as a person. It explores future possibilities that is incomprehensible to the normal human mind. It makes us believe in a better future that doesn’t yet exist. It makes us challenge our current set of bullshit rules. I love sharing my life and experiences with those close to me and yes, I can explore this “what if” by myself but that just seems meh.
So why did I choose to have this experience? Because I believe! I believe in “what if”. Believe in being a dreamer, a warrior that will draw his sword in the face of adversity and face it head on not in the absence of fear but in spite of fear. I want to be a warrior that would stand by the side with those that believe in “what if” with our swords drawn. I want to believe that we have as much compassion as we have strength and as much love as we have power. I believe in powerful people that could command obedience with the lift of their hand but would rather choose love. I believe that we have power beyond measure if we choose to accept it.
Could I have experienced such an extreme version of “what if” by living in my comfort zone and living the life that society deems as acceptable? I doubt it! I believe that exceptional people challenge themselves beyond the status quo, they do the things that no one else wants to do or can do and yes, it is to better themselves but deep down I think they just like the challenge. I am an exceptional person that will change things and I love challenging old believes and what the general population thinks is impossible. (Even saying this I can feel alarm bells going off from my past conditioning). How you do one thing is how you do everything and by taking the road less traveled I force myself to grow not just in that one area of my life. We are all afraid and people who don’t want to face their fear take the way of not pushing themselves further and challenging themselves beyond what they see as possible right now. I chose to act in spite of fear not because it will be easy but because I know that this would be one of the most daring experiences of my life! I am the author of my own life and this is how I chose to write this chapter of my life. Does it scare the shit out of me? Of course it does!
But can you just imagine if all our “what if’s” came true! What else would be possible? “what if” you knew you had no possibility of failure, how big a game would you play then? I try to believe (but it’s crazy difficult) that there is no chance of failure and the “how” will just be semantics. To a large extent I have done this in the past and I have moved forward in leaps and bounds because of it both measurable in activities and successes but also emotionally. What I have learnt from it will continue to help me the rest of my life. One of the biggest aha moments is if you can find an experience to challenge your “what if” framework it overflows to other areas of your life and short circuits your neural connections for learning and moving yourself forward.
It is my (and your) duty to become the person that I have always believed I can be. We all are that person now and the time has come to pull the curtain back and show the rest of the world!
A believer in “What if”